The hardest part of it all is acceptance. Learning to live with the way everything has seemingly worked out, even if it hasn’t always been in your favor. It’s important to remember that it won’t happen all at once, but over time you will heal and move forward.
I couldn’t fully accept what had happened. Being honest, who could swallow such news with a smile. I won’t lie, and say that it didn’t hurt – it still does when I see the spitting image of what is half of the man I love.
She looks just like him.
I’ll admit that my behavior hasn’t always been admirable, but the same can be said for the latter.
It started with hate being spewed on social media and morphing my photos. The things that were said about me were some of the worst I’d ever seen – I learned a lot about myself in those long months. Every time my phone lit up or I could hear it buzz, I would jump out of my skin. With time, every one could see how anxious it really made me.
Defacing my photos became comical once I accepted it, and the fake sites pretending to be me were too absurd to ever be anything other than that. People who really know me, know that I would never say the things that were said while posing as me. It surprises me to say the least that someone could be filled with so much hate.
I had to know that people who couldn’t be manipulated by you, could see the truth.
Remember all of those times we reached out, for who really matters… I do. I remember sitting with my husband, deciding what we would say, swallowing our pride to apologize – again and again. I couldn’t believe it when they told me your habit to say that there’s been no effort made. I wondered how you could say that after all the attempts made, and care packages sent. Then again, I could believe it.
That’s what you do.
We decided to give up on that eventually. I know for me, the choice was made around the time you started taking sudden ‘interest’ in the things I did. It gave me a chill down my spine whenever I found joy in something, knowing you were watching.
Then you started recreating my photos, mimicking them in a way. And at this point I had done my best to not be bothered by you, but it was making more than just me uncomfortable. My friends and family, and people who could see firsthand, began to wonder just like me. We all began to worry about the safety of everyone involved.
You started ‘ganging’ up on me, or I think that was the goal. How weird is it, that you have to befriend someone who you have nothing to do with, just so you can still put your hands on my life. You would be interested to see what all of them had to say at one point, but that’s not my business. I wondered the motive as to why you needed to be so close to my ex boyfriends’ baby mama. Not because I cared, I just couldn’t figure it out. I could only think of one reason for the new relationship, seeing as the two of you have no connection other than me.
It was a real eye opener, how far everything had gone, when you posted my name and address online. Luckily I had moved as soon as I found out you obtained my address, but it still makes me uneasy – wondering when you’ll do it again. Stalking and slandering me, and saying awful and untrue things. I’m used to it, but you claim I’m the one harassing you.
Playing people, with as much ease as you play victim.
I got your Harassment order, the one you thought would make them feel pity if you posted for the world to see. It wasn’t taken seriously, by me nor the officer who delivered it. I hope the one that is delivered to your door is noted. At this point you’re not only violating yours, but mine as well.
Why won’t you leave me alone?
I especially thought about it for a while. I couldn’t understand the fascination to try to make yourself a point of attention. I had far since moved on. Understanding what your wishes are, and not wanting to use an innocent child as a pawn in your game.
I had to accept that the truth is there. And one day, when curiosity rises, the truth with be looked for. When that day comes, my husband and I will be waiting. Until then, I have my own family to focus on. My husband, and the baby that the two of us make. I really am not interested in being a bother to you, so why can’t we both move on?
When I got the phone call from her, it was surreal hearing from someone on your side of the spectrum. She was part of those who had hated me on social media, in my messages telling me how awful I was. That quickly changed when I had the opportunity to tell my side. Now, I’m talking to her for hours and we’re both sharing stories, as the other can relate. She had been around to watch this unfold, and be thrown by your behavior the same as me. I was thankful that we had the opportunity to explain both sides, and pondered why all situations couldn’t be handled in such a manner.
It was hard, to hear all the lies you are adamant on sharing about us. I knew that this was what I needed to hear, nonetheless.
She helped me to understand why you are the way that you are.
That night, you lied down for the first time ever and you gave up something special that was supposed to wait. The same night, something special was created by two people. I’m sure that lingers in your heart and thoughts, making itself evident when you act in the manner that you do.
Just like that everything changed.
I can only imagine how hard that must have been. I realized, and accepted the feelings that you will always have, because I know what it’s like to look at her and see him. I know how it is to be in love, and be heartbroken. I also know how poisonous the whole thing was for my husband, and I know that he never once left her – only you. For the life of me I can’t understand why you won’t accept that. That it just wasn’t meant to work out in that way.
I accept you as a mother of his child.
However, that’s all you are – that’s all you will ever be in the eyes of me. That being said, I don’t accept your misplaced and no longer necessary hate. I had to take a step back and understand your side, and I can to an extent. But there is a line, and you have far crossed it. I have not since provoked you, I have not slandered you, I am moving on.
I had to accept that you had everyone fooled at some point or another. There was a time when even I believed the terrible things that were being said about me, and I knew for a fact they weren’t true.
It’s safe to say that this entire ordeal has spiraled far into a negative situation I don’t want to be a part of. I want nothing to do with you, simply because I have accepted that you will never handle this situation for the better. I don’t want my family to be a victim to you and the game you play, any longer.
You make me uneasy, I know you’re always watching. Waiting. You can continue to take interest in my hobbies, copy my every move, and watch me succeed – I won’t deny anyone of that.
I no longer hold any bitter feelings or hatred that I once had. I apologize for all the pain that you feel has been caused by me. I’ve accepted everything for what it both is and is not, slowly and then all at once. I hope that one day you can do the same. Find your closure, this was mine.
Every day I am learning and growing.